Deeply Rooted

I long to be enough To be enough to solve all the problems in my family, and the problems in my friend's lives. I long to be enough To be enough to prove the words said to my 8-year-old self wrong I long to be enough To be enough to be special.  I long to be enough To be enough to be successful in my field I long to have healed enough, although I feel like I have barely peeled back the layers.  I long to be strong enough, but man, I don't feel strong.  I long to be enough for my friends. I have longed to be enough for both my parents fighting over me in a custody battle.  I longed to be enough when my second-grade teacher would praise me all the time in class, when home looked so different.  I have longed to be enough for years, as long as I could remember.  A Halloween when I was about four, I had to choose between my parents. I wished I could have been enough to go with both of them.  A car ride back from dad's when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old, I wi...

    This is my real college experience that I have held back on sharing. This is my personal experience of college and may include some aspects of the school I attended (which will not be named in this blog, however, most people who will read this blog will know where I went to school). I have held back over this past year about my school experience, but I feel like I have held back long enough.  Sophomore year of college      I was expected at that point to have everything figured out. I was supposed to have the rhythm down. I mean, I was supposed to make new friends freshman year, and those friends would stick around sophomore year. I was supposed to find a church by that point. I was supposed to have classes down. I was supposed to be a leader for the new freshmen. Here I was, though many of my friends were transferring or leaving, other friendships I used to have were having this weird shift and distance seemed to form, lost in the direction of finding...

    "MY GOD IS GREATER THAN YOU," I screamed in my dream right before I woke up. I sometimes have dreams of this type, which often carry a spiritual meaning. I was declaring in the dream that God was bigger than the attacker. I don't remember much about the attacker, but I remember having to yell that God is greater very boldly. That is all I could really remember about the dream, but the phrase in that dream that echoed throughout the whole week, along with "The joy of the Lord is my strength". This dream occurred the night before I fell ill with Influenza B. I woke up from the dream with a feeling that something just wasn't right. I took my temperature and found I had a low-grade fever.      Right before Influenza B, I got done with a local missions trip where I came back with this desire to dive into the book where "the joy of the Lord is my strength" was written- Nehemiah. The truth is that I am the hardest on myself. One reason I am hard on my...