To Overcome: Remember

    How do you truly overcome adversity, trauma, or grief? I may not have all the answers, but I have been on this road for a long time. I am a survivor of abuse, neglect and abandonment. I have realized many different parts of this journey. I have written down in my journal a few elements that I think of when I think of getting through it. I plan to write blogs on each of these as time allows. 

    My whole life, I have felt this desire and push to forget the things that happened to me. I thought that was the good Christian thing to do because forgetting would be moving on from what happened. God wants us to move forward with him.  There have been times when I have wanted to forget huge parts of my life: what happened to me and certain people I have grieved over. I realize that forgetting is not really about moving on from the things that hurt, but rather it is about not doing the uncomfortable work of addressing it and using what happened in a way to glorify God. I can't just forget the 8 years of my life when the various types of abuse were happening, but I have realized that maybe we aren't meant to forget. I heard prayers of "Lord help people forget the trauma that has happened to them," which is a well-meaning prayer; however, this prayer sort of has a message that you should forget what happened if you have enough faith to and pray enough to. 

A Call To Remember

    People seem to forget that all throughout scripture is the call to remember. People in Israel had to remember the slavery of Egypt in order to remember what the Lord brought them out of. They were even told in Exodus 13:3, "Commemorate this day, the day you came out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery, because the Lord brought you out of it with a mighty hand". The truth is that we are sort of removed from what the Israelites were going through at the time, but I am sure we can empathize: the change of their lives entering the wilderness, having been in slavery, and not exactly knowing what was to come. I think it is just as important that they remember that they were in slavery as it is that they remember that God delivered them from slavery. Remembering balances both the hard and the beautiful. When we remember exactly how hard something was, we can praise the Lord that we are no longer in the midst of what happened. 

    Another call to remember is during the passover with Jesus, where he broke the bread and poured the cup known as the Last Supper. He said to those around him:  Everyone who witnessed what Jesus did on the cross for sure could remember the deep sadness of seeing those nails in his skin, of him giving up his life, and of the day to follow before the resurrection. In fact, God remembers the deep pain of that sacrifice, but he sees the victory of that sacrifice. He remembers that victory when he looks at you. 

    In my experience overcoming trauma, I have what I call "new memories". These memories are very vivid sometimes, like I am back in that moment. I can think of my recent memories, and some are very traumatic. As a teen and sometimes now, I do wish these memories would go away. I realize, though, that I am blessed with the memories of God comforting me with his presence amid horrific abuse. I remember as a kid being comforted, thinking, "God is here; he will get me through this". I could have tears streaming down my face, with no hope of ever getting out, almost hopeless, but GOD. God was right there in every difficult moment. 

    Something I think trauma survivors- myself included- and other people need to remember is the Sabbath. This isn't just resting, this is remembering that God did not create us to overwork constantly or be in overdrive. I am honestly writing this portion of the blog after working an 8 hour shift at one job and doing like 6 hours of training for another job, so I really mean that I am not perfect at this. Some days, I tend to overwork. It seems easier than dealing with the storm of thoughts. I loved the idea of doing my freshman year, and that constant doing tired me out. I would go from the time I woke up until past midnight, and I felt like if I did that, I did not have to remember anything or address the mountain of insecure self-shaming thoughts that lurked in the shadows. We live in a culture that values overworking; however, work and rest that God created come with a balance. God stopped working each day at a certain point and created a whole day of rest. 

Another Pixar Movie Reference

    I grew up watching Finding Nemo. This scene comes to mind when I think about how much people like to go the path that seems easier. A trench that seems filled with darkness would not be anything anybody or fish would want to go through. They saw the clear and believed it was good they went over the trench. People have told me to get over things so many times in my life. Just get over the memories and the grief. People often take this route because it seems clearer and like the better way to go. Rather than going through something with trust in the Lord, we want to get over it. We are met by jellyfish too and the stings of the jellyfish are the ways we hurt ourselves and others. We tell everyone to get over it because we feel uncomfortable going through it with someone. Going through that trench leads to the other side and there may be challenges in the trench, but it won't lead to getting stung by a bunch of jellyfish. In order to reach the other side, we can't go over it, we must go through it. Dory did see the good in the jellyfish, their squishy and cute appearance, but in the end, they got stung pretty badly. 

The Boundaries of Remembering

    Like every good thing, too much of a good thing can actually be bad. I have this desire as a trauma survivor to think of every memory I can think of so that maybe no new memories will come up. I want to rush things because the sooner I can get through them, the better. The truth with this is that it often leads me down a path of feeling more powerless against the memories. Dwelling on memories is not what God intended more than just remembering. Acknowledge the memory, don't try to minimize the effect it had or has on you, and then remember also that God delivered you from that time in your life. Through God, you have the power to change and turn to his way. It can look messy, but trying to remember everything seems to at least lead me down the rabbit trail of feeling sorry for that little girl who went through so much. The truth is, though, that even though I went through that, I am not there anymore. I have to remember to have the boundaries of acknowledging the pain, realizing the effect, and praising the Lord who was with me through it; then, I need to move on. Memory is important, and for years, I tried to forget. Shaming memories is a lack of healing, and healing involves acceptance of memories.