A Thrill of Hope

    

    I made an artistic representation of the advent candle for this week, I served in children's ministry, and I thought about what is to come. People often don't like to wait. One big example I can think of something I don't like to wait for is my computer being slow, especially if I have a big assignment due. Waiting with hope is different than waiting in anxiety though. When I wait in hope, there is excitement of what is to come. When I wait in anxiety, I get easily annoyed. 

    This year, I feel I have this thrill of hope again for the holiday seasons that the song O Holy Night talks about. What I talked about in the last blog was grieving during the holidays. Now I am going to talk about this joy I seem to have found this holiday season. I think that there is joy in knowing that the grief I was feeling would not make it so the holidays would be ruined. Jesus came in a mourning world. Now I can rejoice in the fact that he did come in a mourning world. He will be here with me during this holiday season. 

    I think another part of this joy comes from the joy I have found lately getting into scripture every day. Last fall, I could not even imagine doing that. I felt like God was disappointed in me because I wasn't reading scripture everyday. A few weeks ago, I had the worst anxiety I had in a long time. I was in the middle of Meijer trying to evangelize to people. The anxiety just seemed to burn through my whole body, and the more I pushed myself the greater it seemed. I realize coming out of that I was operating out of anxiety and burnout for a while this semester. Reflecting on that, I decided to follow the advice I for a long time avoided: get up early and read scripture first thing in the morning. 

    I had many seemingly valid excuses going into this that just kept me from doing this. One is my migraines that happen more when I am lacking sleep. I have always seen myself as more a night owl, so I stay up later at night. My migraines are a major reason I would not get up early because I know lack of sleep attributed to migraines. Another reason was that I thought I would focus better at night on studying the Bible. The last reason was because COVID threw me off so much where I sometimes have the tendency to sleep through all my alarms; I used to wake up after one alarm. 

    I very naturally just decided to give this a try, not out of shame of the state of anxiety I was in, but out of joy and curiosity if this would actually work. I will be honest: I have felt the least burnt out I have ever felt this point in the semester, I have not gotten one migraine since starting this, I am more tired in the evening but I have a great amount of energy, and I feel like I have this joy in the holiday season again. Winter is not my favorite time of year, but I have so much joy this Christmas even when I have had a few moments of grief. I have so much excitement for just JESUS and time with family. I feel like I am coming out of this dry season in my faith that I have been trying to get out since my sophomore year. I feel a thrill going into the holidays rather than the pressure I have felt in years past to not ruin them for my family and friends. I have spent less time on social media in the morning (still working on night time, but making progress!!!). I have gotten up most days at my first alarm and now even struggle to go back to sleep. I have read scripture and prayed every morning and see God be so faithful each day. 

    I have a hope that Jesus will show me the greater reason why he came into this world. He came as light to the darkness, and I have a hope that no matter what happens this holiday season that God will bless it. There is nothing anyone can do or even anything that could happen that will ruin the reason for this season: Jesus coming into the world. A King ordering the killing of babies did not stop Jesus, the culture at the time did not stop him, nor did 400 years of silence between the old and new testament. Jesus came no matter what was going on even when his parents could not find a place to stay other than a place that had a manger. The King of the World came first laid in a manger and later hung on the Cross taking on the sins of the World. This beautiful season really allows us to have this hope, and this hope of Jesus.

    JESUS IS OUR LIVING HOPE!!!!