Tornado to Tornado

    How do you get through a tornado? 

    This year, I like to say I have been through a literal and figurative tornado. In fact, my school year started with a tornado warning and ended with a tornado warning. It is funny, but it also would describe how this year went for me. A couple of weeks ago, before the last tornado warning, I had a dream about a tornado as well. It is interesting to think of it this way, but I have picked up on themes in all these tornado things that have been happening. 

Lessons from the tornadoes

    The day before the freshmen moved in, there was a literal tornado warning. I had my window open trying to get fresh air in during a humid day, and I decided to close my window before going downstairs realizing that I only made the humid air worse in my room. Then, I decided to go outside with a friend to watch the storm, not knowing that there was going to be a tornado. My phone was charging, but as soon as I found out about the storm, I went inside and went to find a place to stay until the tornado passed. Lessons I learned from this tornado:

God's Faithfulness

    During Orientation training for orientation week, we were asked to pray for a short amount of time. I am someone who loves to pray deep and long prayers. I remember saying I need more time to pray. The same night was the tornado. I remember us being gathered downstairs on the staircase. I started to pray out loud, but as I heard things crashing around outside, I couldn't get myself to say more than a few words of prayer. I knew then that God heard what I did not say, and he knew what I felt at that moment.  I felt the need for protection, to know that he was with us, and that he was protecting the RAs that were out doing RA training. I found out later that the RAs were in our Corum (the meeting area and social gathering place for students). They were protected, and no one got hurt. 

    During what I would call the figurative tornado, so much was happening around me that it became hard to do everything. This year was hard with school and my personal life. I look back, and I realize that I don't give myself enough credit for the fact that I got through this year. In fact, I am working on building myself up after becoming overly critical of myself. I am working on building my relationship with God after I have felt like I am not good enough for him. I saw so many of my spiritual disciplines fall away this year. However, there was one thing I noticed: I could still see God so faithful through it all. God chased after me more than I chased after him. 

    During the dream I had about the tornado, I saw so much within the dream. My school friends and I ran to a shelter. While in the shelter which was like an old broken down house, I saw the windows break and water come rushing in. As it seemed like the house was crumbling, I woke up. Immediately the thought came to my mind: "This is the season you have gone through and I (God) have been with you through it all". I never woke up from a nightmare before this and felt the immediate peace of God, but this moment was definitely a time I felt that. 

Community

    After the literal tornado, I went up to the first level. I was scared of the high winds returning as the sounds of it and the thoughts of what was happening scared me. It took me a long time to feel safe enough to go back up to the third floor where my room was. I went up there to put a towel under my fridge because I did not want it to ruin the carpet since the power was out. My room was completely dark and I felt so scared. I saw the community wrap around people who were also frightened by the tornado. At one point, I felt like I was about to get a migraine. I wanted so badly to be home, but there was no way I was going to drive home with the potential of getting a migraine. Migraines come with a lack of sleep and high stress typically. One of my friends sat with me and walked me through grounding. A little later, I felt better. We ended up having a sleepover in the third-floor lounge. 

    During this figurative tornado of a year, I went through a lot. I felt like so much was happening and I was carrying so much at once. I like to say that this was the year when I felt the body of Christ wrap around me. People were always there for me when I most needed them. I tend to hide myself away when I show emotions. One time, someone walked in on me crying, and she sat with me and prayed over me. This happened multiple times when people supported me through some very difficult emotions, as I was trying to walk through some situations that broke my heart. I wanted to tell all of my friends that they are one of the reasons I made it through this figurative tornado of a year. Jesus provides people in our lives to be there for us as we navigate through difficult stuff. 

    

    I think of tornados and generally, they involve everyone gathering in the house together. People want to be by one another as they face the storm. That is how I felt when I faced the real and figurative tornado this year. I learned how beautiful a community can be. The day after the tornado, we all came together to help pick up the branches and move freshmen in. Freshman move-in day would not have been possible if we hadn't gone through picking up everything just as I feel that this year would not be possible without the people who stuck by my side. God created us for community and to carry one another's burdens. 

Getting Through the Tough

    Every day was hard. From the moment I woke up, I felt extreme resistance within myself to get up and go through each day. The thought of doing anything and everything was just overwhelming. I felt so sad and I remember thinking to myself "What is the point?" Like a tornado creates a mess, the situation I was in was messy. Every day felt heavy and like I could barely see through the mess. I wanted the pain to go away so I could enjoy the year. Here is how I got through it. 

        1. Every day I woke up with the mindset of "I will just do what I can today". Some days, I could get through my classes and that was all. On other days I could do homework. There were a few times I took off from class. Every day was a new day of just doing what I could do. I did not usually spend the whole day in bed unless I had something physically going on like a migraine. I took days off, but I also was very careful to not take too many days off. By having this mindset, I was able to not spend the whole day overwhelmed by the emotions that came with what I was going through. It was not easy doing this every day, but I look back realizing how strong I really was. 

        2. I had moments where I would gently talk my way through things. This was something that required me to have patience with myself. I remember doing this a lot more this year where I would say things like "ok, you are alright, let's do this". I would get through my tasks doing this. Through being gentle and allowing time for me to get through different tasks I would not become overwhelmed. I made a small checklist (this especially works at my job) of one or two things to do at a time instead of getting overwhelmed by how much I need to do. For example, when cleaning up I would say "Ok, 1st let's put away the plastic containers, and then we will wipe off the countertops". Breaking things up into smaller tasks really helped me to focus on just what I could do in the moment rather than completing a big overarching task. Additionally, there were many days where I would say to myself a leave-by-time I would adhere to like "I need to leave by 7:40 am for work". By doing this, I was able to attend to every class, internship, and work shift during the time I felt it was hard to get up. 

        3. I am still learning when enough is enough. It is hard to be a hard worker and to know when to stop especially in college when it seems like I always have something to do. When I start something, I don't typically like to stop until it is done. I think the best thing to do with this is to do a body scan. Stopping could be just taking a small break, and returning back to what you are doing. This has gotten harder over time, but I used to be so good at taking dance or movement breaks. I think getting back to doing that would involve realizing when my body needs a break and allowing my brain to benefit from movement. 

        4. Tears are a way of processing which is a way of healing. I said this one night while crying with my friends around me. I have always been sensitive and compassionate. I struggle now because I used to be teased or yelled at for crying as a kid and teen. I hide more than I show others my feelings. I am getting better with this, but this realization was helpful for me. I realized through this that there is a reason to cry as it helps in processing emotions. God desires for us to be compassionate. He created us to be vulnerable with one another. We were never meant to stuff emotions down. 

    

    I have a lot to work on from this past year. I believe that this year just shows that the Lord is with us through everything we are going through. God is not far off or distant from us as we face trials. He has gone through the trials with us and for us. Jesus died on the cross for us taking on the weight and brokenness of the world. In this life, we will face trials, but in our eternal life, there won't always be brokenness and pain. It is hard to experience the pain right now in the midst of it, but realizing that God is right here with us to help carry us through the pain