Mental Health (Trigger Warning)

    Trigger Warning: this blog is about a very serious topic of mental health. It will cover different mental illnesses, challenges with mental health, suicidal thoughts, and the stigma behind mental health. Please read carefully with kindness towards yourself if you need to stop reading at any point. 

    "We are taking you to see a counselor". I remember my parents explaining to me what counseling was for the first time at 10 years old. When I was 10, I started learning about various mental health terms like counseling, ADHD, PTSD, and I just continued to learn more. When I was 10, I was in the midst of a huge struggle in my home life. I was going through horrific abuse. I remember thinking of the 2 ways out of it: through ending my life or escaping once I turned 18. What kept me going was truly the Lord. I remember being in tears while enduring the abuse thinking to myself "The Lord will get me through this". As soon as I came out of the abuse, I thought I would be able to live life as a normal kid. I quickly realized that wouldn't be the case as I began to struggle more with flashbacks, depressed thoughts, and anxiety. I could not just go on living a normal life because in the midst of trying, I would my mind would be flooded with negative thoughts, I experienced body aches, and I was always looking for ways to not think about the pain I was going through.  Middle school came with learning about eating disorders from my friends. I was so unaware of how to support my friends as I was just learning about them. By the time I got to high school, I knew I wanted to go into the mental health field. My heart surrounds helping others realize they are not alone and to go on a healing journey. I remember looking at the statistics of mental illness and realizing that in the midst of feeling so alone in it sometimes, I am most definitely not alone. I wanted to help those who do struggle. 

    With it recently being Suicide Prevention Month and Mental Health Awareness week, I reflect back not only on my personal struggle but the struggle of those I love. I had such a fear growing up of someone I love taking their life. Mental health is part of the statistics of those who struggle with suicidal thoughts, self harm, or who have committed suicide. With going to a Christian college as well, there have been conversations regarding mental health and I have gotten to think deeply on mental health as a psychology major and a Christian. I have come to realize many things. 

Learning about Mental Health

    Something important is to learn and become more aware of mental illness and how we can support people. Even as someone who may struggle with mental health, it is good to know about what you may struggle with. I tried for years to just ignore much of my struggles busying myself to the point of exhaustion. When I took my first psychology classes in college, I became aware of so much that I struggle with. Not only did I become aware of my own struggles, but I became aware of different challenges other people may have. I always try to be open to learning about things like mental health, trauma, etc.. I learned that much of my very random stomach pain and headaches throughout my life had to do with psychosomatic symptoms that come from anxiety. I honestly don't remember much pain before coming out of the abuse, but it came after I came out of the abuse. As I have learned more and became more aware, I have been able to better understand myself and what others may be going through. 

    Before I started to really learn about mental health and the impacts of trauma, I felt so much shame. Why can't I just let this go? I wanted my past to be erased more than anything, and I just wanted to live a normal life. I couldn't stand the silent pain I seemed to always struggle with. I would go to school smiling, and I would cry alone in my room at night. I did not want people to see me sad because I felt like if people would see my sadness and how much trauma really impacted me, I would not be the happy girl that everyone needed me to be. Even now, I try to make people believe that I am ok even if I start crying as I am still very sensitive. The pain is sometimes so overwhelming, so much so that it becomes physical. Learning about it has allowed me to realize that there is no perfect point of healing I need to be right now, but instead when things come up, I don't need to be consumed by my past. Freedom from my past may not always be freedom from the pain that comes up. True freedom allows me to bring that pain that deeply affects me to God, to go to him feeling that pain understanding that he is right there with me through the pain. With the Holy Spirit dwelling within me, my deep pain is felt by him and he has all the power to comfort me. Mental health is not something to be ignored, but something that we should learn more about. I do everything I could to learn more about mental health everyday so I can become better in helping people and loving those around me. 

Stigma Behind Mental Health

    As I have learned more about mental health, I have come to realize the stigma behind mental health more. I knew there was a stigma, but I never realized how much the stigma is integrated into our society until I got a closer look into the field I am studying. I remember at one point being overwhelmed during my sophomore year of college and writing in my journal "It's Ok to not Be Ok, except..." I wrote a long list of times when we are expected to 'have it all together'. I have noticed that when people struggle with mental health, this pressure to have it all together comes with the questioning of "do you have enough faith in the Lord?" or "Have you prayed over it enough?" in the church as well. We tend to tell people to pray more or just to trust God rather than show the love Jesus wants us to show. We can say you just need to pray, but actually showing the love of Jesus is showing kindness and support to someone who is mentally struggling. I have had people pray with me and be there for me to support me as I have gone through some difficult things; I see God work through my community as many of my friends have supported me through so much. We need to sit right by someone and even pray with them, comfort them and be with them through the pain they are feeling. Mental health stigmas keep people's struggles in the dark rather than having them come to light. The Bible talks about how we need to have things we struggle with come to light and carry one another's burdens. There is so much shame that goes into hiding what we struggle with, and God can see us fully, but we need to know that it is okay for it to come to the surface. I see in many churches people trying to have the picture-perfect life, but Jesus did not meet people in their perfection, but right where they are at. You don't have to fix yourself up in order to come to Jesus. Jesus takes you as you are as long as you have the faith and hope in him to walk through all of life's circumstances with him. 

Responding to Mental Health

    When dealing with both the stigma in society and the church, I want to point out things in the Bible to help clarify how we as Christians can better address mental health issues. One thing is to realize our call in this world to love others. What does 1 Corinthians 13 say in regard to love? "Love is patient". Already within the first descriptor of love, I see that we all fall short of showing patience. We live in such a fast-paced society that if we aren't living up to the pace, we are looked down upon. People want convenience, and they often don't want to wait. This might be a result of everything being a click away. With such a lack of patience, when someone is struggling, they may not feel safe to bring up their issues as they may be met with impatience and a lack of understanding when they try to bring it up. 

    We have to have the kindness and patience to show someone the love that Jesus has for them. Something I heard all the time growing up is "Just let it go" or "Just stop worrying". I felt much shame in having the anxiety I had then, so I ended up numbing my way through middle school, high school, and my first year of college. It wasn't until my sophomore year of college that I learned how to come into the presence of a gentle God talked about in Matthew 11. I learned how much I needed to let out everything I tried to hide even from myself sometimes. I realized that God doesn't need us to just let it go or even to fix everything on our own, but to bring what we are struggling with to him. I always felt the need to fix everything growing up. I felt like I was flawed and constantly was trying to fix myself. I knew that I put on a mask for far too long of trying to be ok by the time I got to my sophomore year. Now, my struggles were coming up to the surface. I had wonderful friends who sat with me in the midst of my struggles, and I had a counselor who was able to pinpoint and teach me about things to help me better navigate the things I was struggling with. One major thing was actually acknowledging how much it actually affected me. 

    Crying has been another big challenge for me as I heard things like "stop crying" or "crying won't solve anything". I have learned that hearing these things really made crying seem like a bad thing growing up. I am still incredibly sensitive and I will cry a lot; however, I sometimes try to hide when I cry. If I cry in front of people, it is typically over more than one reason that I am overwhelmed with a variety of things. One of the affirmations I sometimes say to myself is "Crying does solve something, it releases the pressure in your body so you can think more clearly". When people say "crying doesn't solve anything", they fail to realize that crying soothes the emotional tension one may be experiencing. The pressure of holding back tears, in which sadness is a natural human emotion, is so bad for you. God created us with emotions because he is an emotional God. We need to realize that holding in emotions is bad for both the mental and physical well-being of others. Before telling someone to stop crying, remember how important it is for emotions and situations to come to light in a safe space. Jesus was a vulnerable and safe person for people to go to, and he modeled to us how we need to show love to those going through hard circumstances. I think of the story of Lazarus when I think of the compassion Jesus has. He knew that minutes later, he would raise Lazarus from the dead; however, he still saw the pain of Mary and Martha weeping with them. We can know the power of Jesus, and still be sad. When the Bible says to "Not be afraid", it doesn't necessarily say we won't ever be afraid, but it continues to say "for I am with you". Struggling with mental health can feel so isolating sometimes, but we can remember that God is always with us. 

The Christian Community

    I think there is such a lack of vulnerability in Christian communities where we should feel safe to share what is hard for us. Many Christians desire to love like Jesus loved; therefore, we need to look at how Jesus loved people struggling with grief, depression, anxiety, etc. Jesus did not just tell people to "get over it" or "just pray", he said to come to him and sit in his love. We can't have the expectation for someone to just jump back from a hard time, get over what they are struggling with, and go back into life all good when mental illness alters the way the brain and the body works. We need to be present with the person, not just in a moment, but in the life we live with that person. Mental health issues I realize don't just affect someone in a moment where they are visibly struggling (crying, having an anxiety or panic attack, etc.), but it affect how they live life. 

    Part of my struggles includes hypervigilance. I am working on recognizing it right now in my life, and I realize how much it has affected me. I notice it almost every day when I feel the need to prove myself to others. Sometimes I struggle so much that I think that everyone is mad at me or that I am going to get in trouble. It is hard to get out of a mindset of hypervigilance because I feel like my mind is constantly telling me things like "people just tolerate you" or "this person must be mad at you". I am working through it right now, and like much of the healing I have already done, recognizing it does wonders. It is such a lie that we need to hide what we are struggling with; the Lord wants our pain to come to light. Recognize and admit specifically what you may be struggling with. Numbing it may seem like the easy way out, but it will always linger in the back of your mind. Finding a safe person to share it with in a safe place is so important in not struggling alone. 

    Overall

    Mental health and wellness is so important. I can't stress enough how valuable you are in this world, how much the Lord delights in you, and how God created you as someone so loved. It breaks my heart that some people feel so alone in life because I know how lonely struggling with depression and anxiety can feel sometimes myself. Struggling with mental illness can feel isolating. I always pray and hope that anyone who is struggling can find a safe person who is there to comfort them. Having a safe person is so important in not feeling alone and being a safe person is important in supporting those we love. Mental illness is real as disease and sickness enter this world during the fall, and it can be so hard to live with.