Rediscovering Joy!

    

    Joy is not always easy to see. There are times and situations where we don't necessarily see the joy in our lives. It is important to remember that there is joy in all things, but we may not necessarily see joy in all things. It is when we walk by faith that we experience true joy because the sight might be darkness in certain situations; our faith in the Lord is faith in something that is never changing and has power over all darkness in this world. The Lord brings hope to even the most hopeless of situations.

    

    I am someone who can be incredibly sensitive when it comes to my present situation. It is something I have struggled with in being weighed down by my circumstances that are hard. It is something where I have had to learn how to regulate myself and ground myself in the truth: the Lord is sovereign over all circumstances.  

Sophomore Year Slump

    I felt like it was more than just a slump. It was a mid-college-identity crisis, physical exhaustion throughout my whole body, feeling as if I was doing everything wrong, and struggling to keep up to pace type of year. It wasn't that I didn't want to do homework, it was that I had little to no energy to do homework. I was constantly exhausted, dealing with dizzy spells and migraines, and dealing with body aches for what it felt like every day. More often, I just wanted the year to be over. I cried so much because I wanted so badly to just enjoy my year; however, I was just really struggling with everything. It felt like my body was against the productivity and the fun of college that I wanted to have. 

    

    I was faced with hard questions, and I felt like I was basically starting back at square one again with living in a new dorm hall and having to find new friends. Although I did have some very amazing friends who did stay at Cornerstone, many of my closest friends from my freshman year left Cornerstone. Not only was it a beginning, but it was a beginning with comparison and expectations. How would my sophomore year compare to my freshman year? Not only was I comparing my year to the past year, but I was comparing myself to the past year. I asked myself so many times "Why can't I just be on the same pace I was on last year? Why is it taking me so long to literally complete every assignment?" I realized though that my freshman year was a year of so much avoiding. I was avoiding everything that plagued my mind, every insecurity I did not want to even address. I knew that I was on the difficult road to better days by actually addressing so much of what I was avoiding, but I just couldn't see those days during that time. I saw myself struggling, not just with the things going on, but with explaining those things to other people. How do I even pinpoint what is happening to me? I just did not know how to describe what was really going on.

    It was hard to know when I would come out of this slump I was in my sophomore year because everything felt so incredibly heavy, and it lasted pretty much all of my sophomore year up until around the time of finals. This was the most current example of a time when I was struggling to see the joy in my situation. I just wanted to be a normal college student who just could study and have a good time. However, I was met with healing from a traumatic childhood, coming out of survival mode, navigating through friendships, and trying to figure out my faith. I also did not meet my expectations of finding a church by my sophomore year of college which was the goal when I started church searching. 

Into Summer

    I was entering into May with a grateful heart, and many tears, as we went through finals week. I had to say goodbye for now to the friends I became so close to in my sophomore year. That week, I felt so blessed by moments with my friends where I saw Jesus as so beautiful. I started to feel this closeness to God that I hadn't felt since being a child. My whole sophomore year, I was worried I was becoming extremely legalistic in my beliefs and highly critical. I was praying to the Lord to search my heart, and to give me a discerning heart rather than a critical heart. It is easy to be critical when we try so hard to do everything right rather than seeking our righteous savior in everything we do. For much of my year, I was trying to figure out how to do things right for God, but these moments shifted my thoughts about God from trying to be right to just being in a relationship with God. That fear of becoming legalistic and critical started to be alleviated as I started to experience this closeness to God.

    A couple weeks into summer, I decided that I was in a time of rediscovering joy. Yes, joy is all around us. Every day, the Lord carries out his plan for our lives, and there can be joy in our everyday. Even in the hard moments of my sophomore year, I was able to look around for things to be grateful for:

- Food service

- Growing in Christ

- The Bible, just having access to the Word of God

- My friends and family

- The Lord is so faithful in every difficult moment

However, I was also in a very challenging season during my sophomore year. I came into the summer experiencing burnout for a while, but I have found rest in the Lord. 

    This summer, I have been experiencing this closeness with God which brings this peace to my heart. It has been beautiful seeing the Lord work in my job, at 2 am sometimes, in my writing, in securing an internship, and just every day. Not everything has been easy, but the Lord has been so close through everything. The Lord is honestly always close, but our eyes may not always be on him. 

    I have reached a place where I am laughing again and dancing to worship alone in my room. It doesn’t matter how I am worshipping, but it matters who I am worshipping. It is beautiful to just think about everything the Lord was teaching me, healing me from, and now being able to go forward with gladness, joy, and a grateful heart to live a life in his glory

Rediscovering

    Rediscovering joy is not about always being happy. It is not about trying to keep a smile on your face and invalidating emotions that may come with experiences. That has been something that has prevented me from seeing the joy in my life. Joy is in our authenticity where we don't need to carry the heaviness of trying to hold it all together. Joy comes through Jesus where he too suffered, wept, was mocked, and abused. Joy is found in the fact that the King of kings defeated death, and took on the heaviness of the world. In a world full of darkness, there is joy in knowing who has our eternity. 

    Knowing that Jesus as our compassionate Lord endured not only the pain of the whole world, but the wrath of God, is so beautiful. There can be joy in that. God is our compassionate father meaning we can go to him with our struggles. God didn't just endure the heaviness and weight of the world to prove a point, but he humbled himself enough to come off his throne and live as fully man while he was fully God. He endured the pain to save us. In our present pain and suffering, it is important to realize that by enduring the wrath of God and being the ultimate sacrifice for our sins, Jesus allowed us to be in eternity with the Lord. Our temporary suffering is not eternal suffering as the Lord has allowed those who believe in him as Lord and Savior to enter into eternity with him. We are able to enter the glory of God, not because we do everything right, but because we are seen through the lens of Jesus who died on the cross for us. 

    It can be hard to see joy when we are in certain seasons. In some of the hardest seasons, I look back to see not just a God who has been faithful, but a God who comforted me in times when I felt so alone with it all. I see God work so much in the season where I was struggling when I look back. I have joy going forward knowing that in everything I go through, the Lord will be with me. 

Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy and with my song I praise him

James 1:2-4- Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete